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Nineteen

Blue Bells

Joy is in the air and the sun will shine on Christmas day but this worry and pain won’t go away.
I’m supposed to be happy,
I’m supposed to be okay but I’m not at ease
The pain won’t go away,
I mean its the holidays,
I’m supposed to be okay,
Jesus was born on Christmas day but why can’t he take the pain away?
My arm feels stiff and I can barely lift it,
My mindset is misplaced and I don’t know how to shift it.
I’m supposed to be happy,
Jolly,
I mean I’m sitting by the christmas tree…………….
The tree has purple, green, red, silver and gold bells but there are too many blue ones and that makes me go oh well……………
My mind is the tree and the blue bells represent sadness and anxiety that prevent me from being truly happy,
There are too many blue bells on my christmas tree.

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Christmas Cuddle

The air is frigid,

The pavements are filled with snow and this hot chocolate is legit but thinking about you is like a bad habit I can’t quit,
Cookies and milk wait by the chimney for good ol’ saint nick and while I’m excited to see him,
I look forward to your kiss more and when you I get it I won’t cry because I’ll be caught in the bliss of your lips and your hands around my hips.
Holiday programming infests the tv screen in our room.
The room where we laugh,
Share memories,
The room where you cuddle me and tell me you love me,
The room where I feel comfortable and free because your next to me,
Not anxious and lonely………..
So baby……….
I look forward to your christmas cuddle,
When you never let me go,
When we reminisce by the fire and watch the snow fall outside of our window.
I look forward to the warmth of your snuggle
Because it always lets me know that I won’t spend the holiday alone at home.
I’m too grown for silly little materialistic presents,
I want you right now in the present.
My christmas buddy,
You and your fluffy sweaters,
Your smile,
Wow I want you to come home right now so I can stare at it for a while.
I look forward to your company,
So baby…………..
I look forward to your christmas cuddle,
When you never let me go,
When we reminisce by the fire and watch the snow fall outside of our window.

Sunny Christmas

It’s Christmas day and the sun is out…………………
It’s brightness represents what the holiday is about.
I run outside, stare at the sky and think “What did I do to deserve this!” My oh my,
I run inside, I’m alive!
I want some eggnog ice cream to eat by the tree and I wanna look for the presents that belong to me.
The sun has invigorated me and I can be as happy as I wanna be
Because it’s a sunny christmas!
Yellow, blue and bright,
No need to shovel away pesky snow tonight amongst the lights.

 

Sunny Christmas,
Never had one in my life and I can’t wait to let the warm weather be my guide
This christmas time in my life
I thank God for today, the perfect
Christmas day…………..

 

While I’m at it, I’ll whip up some peppermint lemonade or maybe an eggnog shake with some oreos………
I’ve got eclectic tastes that are kinda cool ya know
So I’ll cherish this forever and forever and forever and ever

 

Sunny Christmas,
Never had one in my life and I can’t wait to let the warm weather be my guide
This christmas time in my life
I thank God for today, the perfect
Christmas day…………..

 

Christmas Rain

December 25th………………….
Snow is what makes this day legit right?
I mean I have hope that it will show up and that I’ll stare at it from my window with hot cocoa in my cup……….
Well right now that possibility in my city is itty bitty,
Far and few,
It’s likely that I’ll be waking up to some rain-filled dew on my grass but who cares?
I’ll look past that, spend the day with my family and celebrate the savior that has ransomed me and set me free in the midst of this christmas rain…………………………………….

Crown(Isaiah 61:3)

Whenever I’m down,
I have to remember that I wear a crown.
A crown I don’t deserve I don’t deserve sometimes.
Mercy?
For someone like me?
Really?
Lovingkindness even when I cause him stress?
Wow, I’m blessed and I guess I’m pressed on the fact that I mess up so much that I don’t deserve it.
I don’t place the crown on my head………
He does.
Crown.

Cling to Me

Lonely?
Cling to me.
So you want hype from the world?
Oh girl……………..
I did not create you in your mother’s womb to be that type.
“Notice me! “Notice me Senpai!” “Notice me!”
I already notice you because I know you.
Cling to me.
Cling to me.
Scared?
Don’t worry I hear your prayers,
Don’t fear.
Cling to me.
Broken?
Need an altar?
Have baggage?
Cling to me.
I will love you until then end of time,
Abundantly.
Broken family?
Cling to me.
Losing your sanity?
Cling to me.
I want to see you on the other side,
Come to the light.
Cling to me,
Trust me,
Put your faith in me.
You. Will. See. Me. One. Day.
Let me give you epiphanies,
Please.
Cling to me.

Ascension

 

sky

I open my eyes and I’m in the sky.
Why?
My feet can’t touch the ground,
I can’t come down.
The thoughts in my head are spinning around………….
What did I do to deserve this?
The ground was my home.
I remember the days when I used to greet it with a kiss thinking that was my highest form of bliss.
Where did these wings come from?
I don’t deserve these things.
Wait, am I flying?
Please tell you’re lying……………
This ascension is foreign to me,
It can’t be reality.
My wait is over.
Wow this luck is beyond the enchantment of a four leaf clover.
I can’t feel my skin or bones……….
Am I home?
Mind blown.
Up here I see nothing but clarity.
Such beauty!
There’s no oxygen in my lungs.
I can’t speak!
Help me!
Pinch me!
I need a litmus test of realness.
I’m lighter than air…….
There’s something about up here, that’s clear.
It feels like a dream to me.
The sky is so bright blue it beams.
The unexplainable pain is gone.
I’ve waited so long.
I’m home

Fast

 

fast

I bet it felt like a blast because it was fast.
Did you ever take time to reflect on your past?
Who was in the driver’s seat?
Who pressed on the gas?
Fast
Unbearable were the lonely days……………
You caught in a haze and you dazed,
Dazed so much that you caught in a never-ending maze
They say you were in a phase………..
“It won’t be long. It won’t last”
Fast
You pressed on the gas and went too fast.
Where was the finish line?
It was only a matter of time…………..
Fast
Was it a blast?

Say a Prayer

 

prayer

Say a prayer for humanity on her deathbed,
She’s fighting all the evil in her head.
She’s flawed and everyone is awed.
She’s not God!
Say a prayer for the world.
Say a prayer for every boy and girl who has cried a tear out of fear and shame.
Not old enough to play the world’s game yet they get most of the blame.
Say a prayer for the broken family that needs some sense of stability right now.
Say a prayer,
Say a prayer,
Say a prayer.
Pray for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. If you need it, please get help.
Say a prayer for your brother,
Sister.
Your mother,
Father.
Say a prayer for your friend because you have no idea what they are going through.
Say a prayer for the “perfect” ones you see on TV because that is not reality,
Honestly.
Say a Prayer for a Christmas with no tragedy,
No misery,
Just joy exceedingly and abundantly.
Say a prayer for every country on God’s green earth birthed from his vision.
It doesn’t need to have perfect precision…………….You have permission to speak from your heart. Emotions are art.
Say a prayer for humanity, she needs an IV, she needs to breathe.
All she wants is peace.
All she wants is peace.
Pray for her, please.

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