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FALL in love with expression.

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Nineteen

Crown(Isaiah 61:3)

Whenever I’m down,
I have to remember that I wear a crown.
A crown I don’t deserve I don’t deserve sometimes.
Mercy?
For someone like me?
Really?
Lovingkindness even when I cause him stress?
Wow, I’m blessed and I guess I’m pressed on the fact that I mess up so much that I don’t deserve it.
I don’t place the crown on my head………
He does.
Crown.

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Cling to Me

Lonely?
Cling to me.
So you want hype from the world?
Oh girl……………..
I did not create you in your mother’s womb to be that type.
“Notice me! “Notice me Senpai!” “Notice me!”
I already notice you because I know you.
Cling to me.
Cling to me.
Scared?
Don’t worry I hear your prayers,
Don’t fear.
Cling to me.
Broken?
Need an altar?
Have baggage?
Cling to me.
I will love you until then end of time,
Abundantly.
Broken family?
Cling to me.
Losing your sanity?
Cling to me.
I want to see you on the other side,
Come to the light.
Cling to me,
Trust me,
Put your faith in me.
You. Will. See. Me. One. Day.
Let me give you epiphanies,
Please.
Cling to me.

Ascension

 

sky

I open my eyes and I’m in the sky.
Why?
My feet can’t touch the ground,
I can’t come down.
The thoughts in my head are spinning around………….
What did I do to deserve this?
The ground was my home.
I remember the days when I used to greet it with a kiss thinking that was my highest form of bliss.
Where did these wings come from?
I don’t deserve these things.
Wait, am I flying?
Please tell you’re lying……………
This ascension is foreign to me,
It can’t be reality.
My wait is over.
Wow this luck is beyond the enchantment of a four leaf clover.
I can’t feel my skin or bones……….
Am I home?
Mind blown.
Up here I see nothing but clarity.
Such beauty!
There’s no oxygen in my lungs.
I can’t speak!
Help me!
Pinch me!
I need a litmus test of realness.
I’m lighter than air…….
There’s something about up here, that’s clear.
It feels like a dream to me.
The sky is so bright blue it beams.
The unexplainable pain is gone.
I’ve waited so long.
I’m home

Fast

 

fast

I bet it felt like a blast because it was fast.
Did you ever take time to reflect on your past?
Who was in the driver’s seat?
Who pressed on the gas?
Fast
Unbearable were the lonely days……………
You caught in a haze and you dazed,
Dazed so much that you caught in a never-ending maze
They say you were in a phase………..
“It won’t be long. It won’t last”
Fast
You pressed on the gas and went too fast.
Where was the finish line?
It was only a matter of time…………..
Fast
Was it a blast?

Say a Prayer

 

prayer

Say a prayer for humanity on her deathbed,
She’s fighting all the evil in her head.
She’s flawed and everyone is awed.
She’s not God!
Say a prayer for the world.
Say a prayer for every boy and girl who has cried a tear out of fear and shame.
Not old enough to play the world’s game yet they get most of the blame.
Say a prayer for the broken family that needs some sense of stability right now.
Say a prayer,
Say a prayer,
Say a prayer.
Pray for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health. If you need it, please get help.
Say a prayer for your brother,
Sister.
Your mother,
Father.
Say a prayer for your friend because you have no idea what they are going through.
Say a prayer for the “perfect” ones you see on TV because that is not reality,
Honestly.
Say a Prayer for a Christmas with no tragedy,
No misery,
Just joy exceedingly and abundantly.
Say a prayer for every country on God’s green earth birthed from his vision.
It doesn’t need to have perfect precision…………….You have permission to speak from your heart. Emotions are art.
Say a prayer for humanity, she needs an IV, she needs to breathe.
All she wants is peace.
All she wants is peace.
Pray for her, please.

Two Voices

I hear two voices in my head.
Each night they follow me to bed.
One keeps me up with jarring thoughts of anxiety and one calms me down with a secure serenity.
One keeps me on my phone all day, while the other one forces me to pray.
One says, “Where is your God now?” when I don’t get my way.
The other one says “Wait.”
One says, “You’re my bait”
The other one says, “Come to me before its too late. I am the way.”
One says, “Your worthless, fat, ugly and lame.”
The other one proclaims you were fearfully and wonderfully made.
One doesn’t see it while the other one does.
One says I’m a lost cause, while the other one says “What lost cause?”
One says I’m sick while the other one says by his stripes I’m healed.
One elicits worry,
Thoughts so blurry…………….
Confusion,
Delusion,
What an illusion!
One elicits peace,
Security and says, “come unto me.”
One is a spirit thief while the other one can take on any feat and turn it into a testimony.
One is a dog who won’t learn new tricks,
It knows my triggers and ticks.
The other one finds fun and new ways to draw me in. It attempts to pull me away from my sin and my battles within.
One says “Where is your God now? While the other one prompts me to bow……….
When I’m lonely, depressed, pressed, without a check, anxious, self-conscious, oblivious, and conspicuous, one prompts me to his arms.
One says I’m not good enough while the other says I’m enough….
Voices like that are unique………
Far and few……
In this blue and messed up world.
One says, “Stay in the darkness”
One says, “I am the light.”
One wants me to give up and give in while the other wants me to listen to him for the win.
Sweet Jesus quench my thirst for it’s in you that I find my worth.

Trying and Pretending II

Why is it so hard?
The more vulnerable you feel, the more you put up your guard.
You put it up and let nobody in because you’re a dirty laundry bin with febreeze sprayed on top of it to put someone at ease.
You don’t want to be a burden.
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
“Are you sure?”
“No, please don’t worry about me. I’m fine”
The bags under your eyes signify how tired you are from crying last night.
You still say you’re fine.
Concealer can’t cover that.
You continue trying and pretending.
Its truly mind-bending and your entire body can only take so much before you turn into an overflowing pot of mush.

Trying and Pretending I

“Hold it in,” they said.
“Let it Go,” Disney said.
You fight both in your head.
One way on the outside, another way on the inside.
You use the outside to shield the inside.
They say, “You can run but you can’t hide.”
You’re hiding,
Surviving instead of thriving.
Existing instead of living because you’re afraid of dying.
No one knows because you’re too good at trying to hide the fact that you’re crying inside.
Pretending that you’re fine,
When in reality, you’re a grape waiting to be turned into wine.
So………………..you’re not really “fine” because this line is too long
But no you have to suppress those feelings.
You can’t be “weak”
You have to be strong.
Trying and pretending when the tears in your private corner are never ending……
The answer’s not coming and doubt is humming in your ear loud and clear.
You live in fear.
You hear about miracles…….
Spiritual,
Physical,
Fiscal,
Social,
Emotional.
You wonder “Where is mine?”
“I want a miracle.”

Sponges(Absorb)

We absorb,
Suck up,
Take up.
We consume,
Use,
Produce.
We become muses from these uses
Profane and profuse,
We consume,
Absorb and we let the substances form clean entities or dirty fleas……..
Stained.
No gain.
We are a reflection of the substances we absorb,
Oh lord.
We take anything and everything in because we think that it will make us cultured and well rounded,
Unconfounded,
Less nuanced and complicated.
We absorb,
Suck up,
Consume,
Produce,
Become muses,
I don’t know where I’m going with this at all,
I guess I’ve interrupted my flow and introduced you to my fourth wall.
I’m a sponge hun and so are you.
Yes, you.
I consume,
You consume.
I absorb,
You absorb.
We consume.
We create,
Debate,
Play,
Stray,
Pray,
Work,
Lurk,
Laugh,
Gaff,
Cry and we do it all over again.
I use,
You use,
I produce,
You produce.
I become an oversimplified subject or an abstract muse and so do you.
If you think I’m trying to sound artistic or cool, then you lose.
Just kidding……………..
Some people may appreciate the weirdness of this insight and some might say
“Fool, good night.”
This may be too pungent and you may throw this in a dungeon(if they even exist) when you finish reading this.
Or……………….maybe you may enjoy this grammatically flawless quirky bliss.
You owe me a soda.
No you don’t,
Yes you do.
We are sponges.
We suck up,
Take up,
Consume,
Produce, we use
Become muses from these uses.
I’m a sponge,
Your a sponge.
“I’m ready”
You’re ready………………………..

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