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Twenty-One

Use It Now

Don’t wait until you hit a certain age to grab that mic and go on that stage,
I regret not speaking up for myself at an earlier age.
Grab that mic and go on stage.
You have one voice and a choice.
Use it now.
When someone is making you angry,
Speak up.
When someone isn’t stopping their madness,
Stand up,
Put your foot down and tell them enough is enough,
If they don’t like it,
Then tough.

You don’t want to be in your 20s, 30s. 40s, 50s and beyond holding on to anger that should’ve been released years ago……………
No it turned into anger because you didn’t express yourself initially.
Don’t be like me,
I’m an example of the person you don’t want to be when it comes to that specialty.
Don’t be like me.
Don’t let people walk all over you,
Stay true to you.
Learn how to love yourself now.
Don’t wait until your sanity takes its final bow,
Learn how to love yourself now.
Wow…………………………………………….
If you’re passionate about something,
Don’t let anybody tell you that it doesn’t matter.
Grab that mic and go on stage,
Learn how to do that at a young age.
Use it Now.
If you have a dream,
Don’t let anyone stop you.
People will pick you and people will drop you,
What are you gonna do?
Give up?
No run,
Dreams don’t work unless you do(Thanks John C. Maxwell and Fifth Harmony)
Yes girls I know my history and I have give credit where credit is due.
OT OT OT OK
use it now or else you’ll end up confused and people will get so used to walking all over you that you won’t know what to do.
Raise your hand in class,
If you have a question,
Ask,
You have a voice and a choice.
USE IT NOW.

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What Did I Do?

I can’t through to you,
Do you hate me?
We’re not as close as we used to be,
Is it me?
Maybe its you,
I can’t get through to you.
If its me,
What did I do?
Do you think that I think I’m better than you?
Maybe its all you……..
What did I do?
You’ve been cold and distant,
Is that your personality?
Why are you so mean to me?
What did I do?
I’m gonna do me and I don;t care what you think……………
I have my life to live,
Why don’t you live yours?
If you have something that you want to say to me then say it.
Why do you keep on hiding it?
It’s making you look bad not me,
Not me.
That’s on you,
Not me.
I don’t think you know me as well you think you do and I guess I don’t know you as well as I thought I did.
This won’t get fixed on the first day with a simple first aid kit.
It will take some time but dang can you throw me lifeline?
What did I do?
You’re mad at me and honestly,
I’m a little mad at you too,
You’re not the person I thought I knew but I guess we grew apart.
I miss what we had.
I want that part back but do you?
Do you or is this just foolish to you?
What did I do?
Teach me how to understand you because I probably don’t and if you expect me to change overnight,
It won’t.
It will take time.

Reciprocal

I don’t know how to be content with giving freely,
What’s wrong with me?
When I give empathy I expect it back when I’m in need of some.
Sometimes I feel like I don’t get that enough………
I go out of my way to try to understand everyone around me but what about me?
Am I not deserving?
Am I surrounded by selfishness?
Why is this making me feel worthless?
I gave you yours now where’s my mine,
You feel like talking to me that way,
Fine.
This is a waste of my time,
You’ve crossed the line.
You don’t own me,
Respect me.
I respect you,
I need to respect me more.
You don’t own the whole circus,
You’re not the ringleader.
There’s life outside of you,
What about me?

When I Iisten to you,
I expect you to listen to me.
Reciprocal.
I’m not a wall,
I’m not a floor you can fall on,
Reciprocal.
Why can’t you understand that?
I’m not some doormat.
Stop taking my kindness for weakness………….
The fact that you see it like that keeps me stressed.
Stop trying to overshadow me,
Stop trying to bring me down,
Are you pressed?
When you visit me I try to give you my time,
Why don’t you do the same when I visit?
What did I do?
What is my life not interesting to you…………………
Are you jealous of me?
What’s the tea?
Are you ashamed of me?
Are you insecure?
Talk to me,
I’ll listen to you.
Why do you treat other people better than me?
When I give love,
I expect it back.
Reciprocal.

Would Be Nice

I haven’t been my best in a while……………
No, I haven’t been busy,
I’ve been worried about a bunch of stuff…………………….
I haven’t been myself in a while………………………
I expect you out of all people to know that but I guess that you don’t know me at allm
Maybe its my fault.
I didn’t let you in enough,
That’s a tough reality for me.

You haven’t heard from me in a while.
I’m not my best,
You knew a text or call would be nice but you just assume that I’m selfish,
Hellish,
Cold,
Distant.
Nah I’m going through it,
If only you know it.
Usually I’m way more outgoing than this but lately my life has taken a hit and I’m trying to recover from it.
I guess you don’t because I haven’t told you but it would be nice if you took the time to think of me,
Are you that busy?
Sometimes I feel like you forget about me…………..
Are we growing apart?
If so, that breaks my heart.
Sometimes I want a “Hey how are you?”
Not “A hey can you do this for me?”
Is that all I’m good for?
No I’m more than that,
Why can’t you see that?
You can’t take people for granted like that?
Everything isn’t about you,
I thought you knew but I guess you don’t.
Do you actually care about me or do you care when you need something?
What’s the tea?
Unless you’re going through something……………
I wish I knew.

Not Apologizing Anymore

Done.
Done.
I’m done trying to edit myself for everyone else,
I’ve lost myself……………………
Buried myself,
My potential.
I did it because I felt like being what everybody else wanted was essential………
I would compare myself to others and I still do.
That mess does nothing for you,
You lose you.

I have to speak my mind,
I’m a strong woman and I need to pay attention to that.
I have important things to say and that is a fact,
I like what I like and that doesn’t make me less of a person,
I’m tired of being a watered down version of something else.
I want to be the me I know I can be,
I like that person not some edited version I used for self-preservation.
I just wanted an invitation to everything so I did the editing and people still walked all over me and that crap makes me see the foolery,
I can’t believe I’m using light profanity………………………
I guess I’m just reading myself and what society expects of me,
Like a book I always looked on the outside and never looked in,
that my friends is one of the ultimate sins,
How do you expect to win if you never look within?
How?
I say sorry too much so much I can throw up right now,
Ouch.
I silenced my own voice for years because I feared that it would be too loud,
Well its out now……………..
Fuss and pout.
I’m loud and in living color,
oops I blew my own cover.
Look out for her because I’m not apologizing anymore.

“Like me, like me, like me, like me please.”

I just want you to like me,
Don’t get angry at me please,
I’ll do whatever you want just don’t get angry at me,
Just like me, Like me please.
I need you to like me,
Even it means I can’t be.
I’ll do anything……………..
I won’t speak my mind,
I’ll find something else to say in order to make you happy.
I want to maintain our relationship,
So I won’t say anything………………………………….
I want you to value me,
(Why can’t I value myself first??
You’re walking all over and I don’t feel free at all but I’m so caught up in wanting you to like me that I can’t see or feel the damage its doing to me.
I feel numb like an undervalued thumb.
Do you even appreciate me?
I’m almost fully desensitized,
Not focused on the toll that this is taking on my mind.
I need to find myself,
I need help.
I need to focus more on myself but at the same I don’t want you to be annoyed with me but at the same time I need to set myself free.
Look at me,
I don’t have a self-esteem and I’m letting you walk all over me.
You know that and that’s why you do what you do…………………
Deep down I know I’m just as powerful as you.
I have strong views just like you.
Now everyone thinks I’m the shy.
No I’m just scared eager to please everyone else but myself.
I just want everyone to like me so they can get past what they see on the outside.
Don’t get me wrong…………
There’s nothing wrong with being nice but I’ve sacrificed my own happiness for this messiness,
The unnecessary stress,
All because
I
Just
Want
You
To
Like
Me.
My breath reeks of old desperation and it contributes to the disintegration of my self-esteem,
Steam is coming out of my as I write this,
This is messiness,
Stress,
What the heck?
I give myself no credit at all for anything,
It’s my fault.
“Like me, Like me, Like me, Like me………….please.”
For what?
I have to be me no matter what,
I gotta trust the hell outta my gut.
I’m not apologizing for being me,
For what?

Do It With Vigor

I see you staring at me…………
What do you need?
I’m just minding my business and being me,
What do you need?
I’m being who I want to be freely…………….
Is that true for you?
Are you doing what you want to do in life?
If so,
Why do you care about what I do with mine?
Go ahead snicker,
Whatever I do,
Imma do it with vigor.

 

 

I have energy,
Yes I’m aware so if it helps to stare then
Stare elsewhere………….
Take care of your own business,
Trust me it keep you less stressed.
I’m extra,
Yes I’m aware but I’m not hurting you,
Who gon’ check me boo?
My mama,
Not you.
Go ahead snicker,
Lemme slay this day with vigor.
I look good today and your non-meme worthy facial expressions can go their way,
Fade,
Make way from me I’m coming through,
I’m walking right past you and your cute little attitude,
Rude.
I don’t have the time to soak up your negativity,
I’m feeling free as a bird,
Ya heard,
I hope you consider this a lesson learned,
I wear my stripes proudly because they’re earned.
So I’m gonna be the bigger person,
Wish you the best and carry on with the rest of my day.
I’m gonna be the bigger person and do it with vigor.

Can’t Stay in the Present

You worry about the future because you’re stuck in the past.
What about today?
Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised………………………….
That scares you for some reason,
Living in the present is treason.
You can’t let go of the things that happened years ago…….
You’re angry,
Emotional,
You can’t let go,
Emotional.

 

You want them to say sorry but they never knew and now you’re stuck……..
You’re angry at them.
They’ve moved on but you’re still angry at yourself but you’re ready to move on,
The present is so hard to focus on………………….
You want to move forward but sometimes you move too forward……..
You make future plans with fear in your heart.
Fear that it won’t work,
Fear of everything.
Some people will tell you that its nothing but you don’t believe them.
God tells you its going to be okay if you let him take care of it but do you believe him?

 

 

You chase after perfectionism,
Listen,
It will never happen.
It will never come,
You will have stumbling blocks that feel like shocks to your system but its not about them,
Its about how you respond and recover from them.
You can get up and rise above them…………………………

 

You’re afraid of temporary happiness,
You’re afraid of living your best life and then boom stress comes again………
You pray that it doesn’t cause new regret.
Expectations………………………..
Patience…………..
Waiting…………..
There is so much freedom in embracing the present,
It is a gift,
A present,
Are you willing to take it,
Embrace it?

You Can Still Smile

In the midst of chaos don’t let anyone or anything steal your joy,
Your joy is yours.
You can still walk,
Talk,
Smile,
Laugh,
Cry,
Open your eyes.
Hear,
See,
Taste,
Touch,
Feel,
Smell.
You’re more well off than you think but you can’t see it.
You have today,
Make the best out of it.
Seize it.
Carpe Diem………..
Find relief in it.

 

 

 

In the midst of adversity,
You can still smile 🙂
Think about the things you do have,
Stop focusing on what you don’t,
This is the day that the lord has made,
Rejoice and be glad in it.
Don’t let negative words destroy you,
You’re one second away from a breakthrough,
Well not one second but pretty close,
Make the most of what you do have.
Your dreams are never too big so continue to dream big.
Never give up on your vision keep that ambition.

 

 

 

In the eye of the storm,
You can still smile 🙂
Its okay to.
Whatever you’re going through,
You’ll get through it.
There’s happiness on the other side of this.
Until then………………….
You have to cling onto something.
Find beauty in the simple things,
Laugh at something funny………
Learn how to smile when its not sunny outside,
You can’t hide all the time,
Come into the light,
Find new life,
Come into the light.

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